I received quite a few emails and comments from women asking me among other things, a question of "How do I touch myself?" It came to me wrapped in different phrases and lengthy email inquiries, but they all centered around that ultimate curiosity. I was surprised because I thought we all knew how. I thought it was a matter of basic instinct and primal carnal urges. We learn our bodies long before we invite someone else in to take notes. I mean, how can you adequately teach if you don't know the material yourself? So for the women who don't engage in self-pleasure, it's a principle I suggest you get familiar with. There's no shame in learning your body. Nothing gross, vulgar, or obscene about it. Like anything of a sexual nature, it can definitely be a thing of beauty.
Experimentation is not an action that can only be employed by two people in sexual situations. Experimentation when alone can happen and open your senses up to a world of new sensations. There is no one right way to masturbate. Use your fingers, use your hands, use a pillow, use a vibrator, use a dildo - see? It goes on and on. I've found that my go-to is a vibrator with some nice porn in the background with as much silence as possible. I like to be engulfed in stimuli all around me.
Libidos differ and so do desires. There was one day a couple of years ago while watching "Don John" that I had to pause the movie several times. It's the most I've masturbated in one day ever. But for the most part, I can go as long as 3-5 days without touching myself and do it once or twice and be solid. Some women might prefer to do so more often. It's whatever you feel like doing, however you feel like doing it, whenever you feel like doing it. The endorphins you feel after a release are so incredible and can be the answer to a long day at work, stress in general, or to alleviate mental blocks you might have creatively and emotionally.
Find your sweet spot. Most women do not experience orgasms when engaging in intercourse. Although we come equipped with this tiny bundle of nerves called the clitoris that has 8,000 nerve endings and packs intensity at a higher volume because of the higher concentration of nerves in that one area, it's often a spot that's ignored - especially sexually. Many women wonder why they can't experience an orgasm vaginally, not knowing that paying attention to the clit is key.
Masturbation is often a stepping stone to trying to find that orgasm you seek while engaging in intercourse. With your partner, you will know where to touch and how to touch it in order to achieve orgasm because of the time you took to explore that erogenous zone during your playtime alone. While you're at, discover other parts of you, through touch and massage, that help you feel more aroused and bring you closer to that edge.
If you've never masturbated before, I suggest creating a space that's inviting in your bedroom. Take a hot bath, oil yourself up, light some candles, and then lay down on your bed naked. Revel in the feel of the sheets against your skin. Start off slow by using your hand to caress your breasts and your nipples. Use your hand and guide it down to your center. Tease yourself by using the pad of your finger to lightly brush against your clit.
Get bolder with your touch, more steadfast, more earnest. You'll get into a flow, close your eyes and think about everything that is happening to you. The pleasure you're giving yourself. Making love to yourself should be exactly that, so really focus on the harmony of your senses humming. You will be there in no time, arriving at your orgasm.
Do you believe in self-care through self-pleasure? Celebrate with me below!